My almost ex-hubby's girlfriend found a job in state.  If she gets it, they'll be moving.  It'll be about an hour away.  Close, but not too close.

I hate when awesome people don't know that they're awesome.

I'm an attention whore these days. 

Green is a nice color ;)

Why are the better guys I meet all far away?  Are there no great local guys?  Stupid internet.

My dog is knocked up.

When did Leno take over Letterman's place in my heart and tv viewing schedule?

We're all sick here :(  The baby is the worst...coughing and wheezing.  After getting a lap full of baby spew, I called his doctor to make an appointment.  He gets to see the PA.  She's wonderful...I absolutely love her.  She looks exactly like Amanda Peet.  Well, if AP was a normal woman and didn't have a group of groomers following her every step. 

I am.  I'm having a wonderful day.  My mood is wonderful.  I'm about to drop the kids off at my mother's so I can run to the store, so the happy bubble will probably burst, lol. 

I have tons of stuff I want to write about but not enough time to sort through it at the moment.  I'm going to try to write a few entries later this evening. 

Mine is not one of them.  I don't update regularly.  I don't have a lot of interesting things to say.  I'm not that great of a writer.  I'm not sure why I am even keeping one.  In college, I'd flash my boobs when I needed attention...now, I guess it's this :)  Anyway, here's the rambling.

I've met some really great people online.  Some of them have blogs that kick this blog's ass.  They're witty.  They're well written.  They're nicely designed.  Mine will never be one of those.  That's okay with me.  I'm sure someone could come in and airbrush my shit into a nicer read, but screw that.  My brother is the writer, not me. 

So, dating...may have another date with a guy I've met online.  Seems nice, blah blah blah.  He's psuedo local.  I have to admit something though.  I've met 2 guys online that I would absolutely love to meet.  Both are great in different ways.  I have tons in common with one, it seems.  He's the kind of guy I'd want to hang out with no matter what the situation.  Guy #2 is a big sweety :)  There's a real chance of meeting up with him in a few weeks/months if all goes according to plan.

Work doesn't exist for me at the moment.  I'm temporarily unemployed until I'm officially a sub again.  It sucks ass, but I'll deal.

My Soon To Be Ex (STBX) has cancelled out on our court ordered mediation.  Shocking, I know.  This just makes it longer for us to get back to court.  I hope that I can someday figure out why he drags his ass when he's the one all gung-ho on divorcing me.  I could be nice and change my separation suit to a divorce, but I don't feel like making life any easier for him.  :)

So, I'm gonna set some goals for my little blog here...

1.  Post at least 3 times a week.

2.  Post something other than rants, lol.

3.  Learn to set more than a couple of goals :)

Date was good.  He was a nice guy...no real sparks, but otherwise it was enjoyable.  For the record THE SKELETON KEY is a shitty movie.  It had potential for the first 15 minutes.

This morning has completely sucked.  My 5 year old is whining her ass off and I can't fucking stand it.  The house is a wreck...I'm cleaning in 10 minute spurts here and there. 

Tomorrow, I have to resign and add my name to the substitute teacher list...hopefully make the rounds to the area schools to drum up business.

I hate not knowing if I'll be able to support my kids.  It's not a good feeling.  I'm really angry at my ex right now.  I'm angry at my soon-to-be ex bosses.  I'm angry at myself for being angry.

I have a date Saturday.  Local fella...seems really nice.  His mom is a teacher, lol.  We did meet online, but know some of the same people...he has good references. 

I'm looking forward to it :)

Yes, I got fucked over and not in the way that I'd like.  My job is supposed to be 1/2 time when I start in a few weeks.  Gas prices being what they are, I asked my principal (Rod Cum*****) if I could work 2.5 days/week instead of 5 half days.  He laughed and said, "No, I don't see that happening." 

So, I'm going to email him...make sure he meant it...(also get him telling me in writing that I can't do 2.5 days/week)...and then resign.  So what if I have a college degree?  All that means is that I won't need everything read to me as I apply for welfare.  Food stamps, here I come!

Oh, and still no sex...If I had a hammer, I'd be hitting myself repeatedly in the head with it.

He was very nice...reasonably attractive.  I felt absolutely no physical attraction, lol.  We had chatted online for a while...thought it might transfer over IRL, but it didn't. 

It was my first official dating thing since the separation.  I'm glad to have it out of the way.

Okay, updating, lol!

Soccerdad, thanks for stopping by!  I was thinking of going back and updating on the other site :) 

So, I'm 30 now.  Went to dinner with my friend, Susan.  Had a couple of drinks...got smashed, lol.

Still no sex.  Never could get it together with the guy.  I'm not as disappointed as I thought I would be.  It'll happen when it's supposed to happen, right?

Besides, I'm beginning to think single dads are the way to go, lol!

Batman~Have fun in Florida!  Give me a call sometime.

It's 2:30 in the morning.  I can't sleep at all!  Stupid sailor boy has my mind on sex...so not fair.  I haven't been with anyone in over a year...and that was my lovely walk away husband.  Sex with him was pretty good...had some trouble helping me close the deal, if you know what I mean.  I can honestly say that sailor boy has me hotter than I've been in a long time.  I can't remeber feeling this kind of sexual tension...ever.  I feel like I'd melt if he touches me.  I wish  could pinpoint what it is, but I can't.  He's got me wanting it bad, lol. 

We're supposed to go out later in the week.  How am I supposed to sit across the table from him and make small talk when all I really want to do is drop down in front of him and suck until his head caves in?  I'm telling ya...damn.  I'm supposed to sit in a dark theater with him and be good?  I want his hands all over me...mmm.

I'm anxious to see if I can keep to my no sex on the first date rule...I'm bringing condoms just in case ;)

There's a song by a group called SheDaisy.  It's country...called "Please Come Home Soon."  I usually cry like a baby when it comes on...it's been a perfect musical version of my situation.  It just came on.  I closed my eyes and waited, but the pain never came.  I felt a little sad, but nothing compared to what I normally feel when I hear it. 

Does this mean I'm finally getting over the whole thing?

Could it be I just found a hot sailor I want to ride like a wild stallion?

Time will tell :)

Oh, and what's the thing with Katie Holmes?  It's like they're in 6th grade...you know where the girls tower over the boys because the boys haven't hit puberty yet?  I can only hope and dream he knocks her up so that he can deny she's got a chemical imbalance after delivery.  Because, we all know (thanks, Tom) that there is no such thing as a chemical imbalance...just like there is no such thing as brake fluid in your car after your depressed wife cuts the lines...Ass.

I hate days like today.  I don't know what I want.  I don't know who I am or what I want to be.  I also have no clue what to do about my walk away hubby...the guy I lovingly refer to as Fucktard.

I just want the path to be clear...I want the map to be marked.  Pick your travel reference.

I can't believe I haven't posted since November!!!  Here's a little something I wrote on Sunday...

I'm sitting at my desk. Today is our 5th wedding anniversary. Our children...5, 3.5, 2.5, and 4 months are running around the living room. (Well, the baby is sitting, but you get the idea ) I had actually forgotten for a little while that it was coming up. My WAH came down Friday to see his kids. It was his first visit in about 3.5 months. I left him alone with the kids and went to work out. While I was gone, he loaded up a framed collage of his family...the only pics of them I have for our kids...and a few other odds and ends he had left laying around. I didn't think it would hurt so much, and I should have expected that he would go through all the stuff just laying around. I don't know why I didn't.

He came back Saturday morning around 11. He was gone by 3:30. I had enough time to go to the store, and the tanning bed. (Yes, tanning is very relaxing...the only reason I do it.) While I was in the bed, I started thinking about things that needed done. That's when I realized that the next day was our anniversary. It was all I could do to finish the session and run the rest of my errands. I was a little sad when I got back home. I was teary, but not weepy. When he left, the kids started crying which just tore me apart. I started crying right along with them. He came back in the house and gave them each another hug. I know he saw me crying, and I don't care. I needed to cry and won't apologize for it.

The anniversary for the D bomb is a week from Monday. It's been such a long, yet quick, year. I honestly don't know where I am right now. My work has suffered as a result of this sitch, and a couple of other things. I have a semester next fall to turn it around. My relationship with my kids is better, I think. I'm torn between wanting my husband and wanting to get over him. I want him to spend more time with his kids, but I also hate how sad they after the few occasions he's visited. I want someone to hold me and tell me it's all better, but I also can't imagine a life with anyone other than him. I may be a mess, lol.

My wah did a 'nice' thing for me. He gave me 'his' (probably the OW's in reality) old digital camera. It is pretty nice, and even has a video feature. He showed me how to work it, took some video of the kids, etc...After he left, I was trying to figure it out. I came across a video from his house. It was the OW scrubbing the floor. She was wearing a shirt, socks, and pink panties. He took the time to delete all their other pics, but that. She also wasn't aware he was filming, I'm sure. I really felt nothing when I watched it. I deleted it as soon as I figured out how I can honestly say I have a nicer @ss than that cow The term cottage cheese comes to mind. Does that make me sound petty? I'm really being honest. My lack of emotion when watching it made me wonder. Am I detached too much or just enough? Am I beyond detached and into letting go? I really don't know the answer.

I'm finished with work on Thursday. I have a class to take online. I may take two if I have the $$. I'm going to Chicago again this summer for a week...sans children. I may or may not make friendly with a sailor or 5 Either way, I'll have a good time. I'm going to continue to work out...I am noticing a difference. I'll get my clutter under control...or I'll throw it all away, lol. Plenty of stuff to take to the land fill...If it's not helping me, it's hindering me. So, I have a plan for the summer. It should be much different from last summer.

I finally found the time and inclination to post again.  Work is okay...kids have been sick quite a bit.  I just love all the fun stuff that goes along with being a grown-up.

To update, I'm still separated.  I occasionally still break down crying for seemingly no reason, but I'm okay with that.  It's not like I'm almost 8 months pregnant and coming up on a busy holiday season with no SO to share it with.  :) 

I have discovered the joy that is a pedicure.  It's now a monthly treat for me.

I will try *fingers crossed* to post weekly...at a minimum. 

A good friend from college left a message on my blog.  To say I was surprised would be a gross understatement!  V-I hate that we lost touch!

She's the Batman to my Robin :)  We have many stories...including trying to explain to a drunk, toothless guy why there are lesbians.  "Why a woma wan' be wif ano'r woma?"  We also had some encounters with an old guy we all called "grandpa" due to the shirts he'd wear. 

Batman, if you're reading this, send me an email or something!  We should catch up :)

School is in session and I have no time to do anything.  This poor blog may go the way of the Titanic.  Hopefully, everything will calm down and I'll get some enery back.

Did I mention I'm going to have a boy?  That makes it girl-boy-girl-boy :)

My reproductive system rocks.