Blog For Free!
Archives
Home
2005 October
2005 September
2005 August
2005 July
2005 June
2004 November
2004 September
2004 August
2004 July
My Links
My brother's blog
My calendar
tBlog
My Profile
Send tMail
My tFriends
My Images
Sponsored
Blog
Daily Tip:
|
| Panic |
| 07.31.04 (8:12 am) [edit] |
A lovely side effect of my separation is panic attacks. I never had them before, but I sure as hell do now. How horrible is it that it was all I could do not to lose control buying corndogs for the kids' lunch?
Why can't everything be okay? Why does this have to happen? I fucking hate this. I just want my goddamn husband back. He should be here to comfort me, not my little bottle of green pills. My kids shouldn't have to see Mommy freaking out. It's not right. I know I contributed to our shitty relationship, but I can atleast acknowledge what I did wrong...he can't. Why can't he just work with me on this? Why do I even care?
|
|
|
| |
| Well, well... |
| 07.31.04 (4:08 am) [edit] |
My blog has almost 300 views...Over 100 since yesterday.
That gives me a little thrill...don't tell or I'll feel naughty.
|
|
|
| |
| Why I hate him... |
| 07.31.04 (3:34 am) [edit] |
It's mornings like this that I hate my Walk-Away Husband (WAH). My 4 year old was up until 2 am. What is that all about? It's wrong on so many levels. I could probably have been okay with that, but my 18 month old woke up at 6:30 am.
So, wah is somewhere doing something. That somewhere isn't here, and that something isn't helping me. Why did he want children? Why did he do this? I'm supposed to take care of 3 small children alone? While pregnant??? Sleep's going to be so easy to come by when #4 makes his/her appearance...can you hear the sarcasm dripping from my keyboard?
I just don't understand how you can have kids and walk away from them...just leave them, claiming to love them. That's bullshit. As far as I'm concerned, "I'm not happy" is not a good enough excuse. Fuck that. Since day one of this whole thing, I've wanted to work it out...I've wanted to stick by the vows I made. As much as I hate him, I still love him. I still want our family to work. Maybe it would be easier if I didn't want that...If I could just stop at hating him.
I know I can do this on my own, but I don't fucking want to. I want him here. I want him to share all the wonderful things that these kids do.
I really just don't want to hurt so much :(
|
|
|
| |
| Roger Ebert, we disagree! |
| 07.30.04 (3:05 pm) [edit] |
I saw [b]The Village[/b] this afternoon. I've linked big Roger's review. I respect him very much as a film critic, but I think he's blowing this one out his ass.
http://www.suntimes.com/output/ebert1/wkp-new s-village30f.html" title="http://www.suntimes.com/output/ebert1/wkp-new s-village30f.html" target="_blank"http://www.suntimes.com/outpu...
I freakin' loved the movie. I don't say that very often. There are several films I really enjoy, but don't love. Maybe time will change my mind, but after some reflection I stand by my initial, "WTF? That's AWESOME!" attitude that I left the theater with.
|
|
|
| |
| The vamps are coming! |
| 07.30.04 (7:50 am) [edit] |
I had a lovely week working a band camp. It's very good money for 2 hours work/day...free food/lodging...time with old friends. So, how did I fill all the "free" time? Books!
My brother was nice enough to lend me the first 4 books in a series about a vampire hunter named Anita Blake. I really enjoyed them and will try to get a few more books in the series to swallow before school starts.
A friend of mine at the camp also had a vamp book...don't know what was in the water...called [u]Undead and Unwed. [/u] It was incredibly funny! It's the first in a series...I will read every one as soon as it's available.
I also started cross-stitching while at camp. I'm ready for my walker and daily dose of fiber now :)
|
|
|
| |
| The joy that is Amazon.com |
| 07.24.04 (11:58 am) [edit] |
I ordered some marital self-help books the other day. It was so easy...they were delivered this morning. Yes, I do feel a little like Bridget Jones, but I can deal with that.
I just can't believe how easy it was to just order the books from Amazon. How sad is it that I haven't done it before? I weep for all the missed opportunities :(
Okay, I don't really weep...but I could have saved myself a lot of trouble by getting books there instead of driving all over God's country trying to find the books I wanted.
I'm off to work a band camp next week. I will try to post at least once more before I leave. If you're reading me, leave a comment. I'm curious to see who's out there :wink:
|
|
|
| |
| Testing something... |
| 07.23.04 (8:52 pm) [edit] |
This is the new man in my life. Luke, the Wonder Dog :) He may be short, but he loves me. Right now it's a long distance relationship...he lives with my friend, Ann.
 :
|
|
|
| |
| What am I doing? |
| 07.23.04 (4:54 pm) [edit] |
I've toyed with journaling/blogging a few times, but haven't been able to stick with it. I'd really like to, though.
My life is currently in a weird place. My husband of 4 years has decided that he no longer wants to be married to me. It doesn't matter that we have 3 small children and I'm pregnant with our 4th. I'm an odd person. I actually meant my marriage vows. I'm not ready to give up hope that he'll one day come around. On the other hand, he's done this before...another woman...different children. I somehow thought it was different with me. I was very wrong apparently. Regardless of what happens, my children and I will be fine. I have the support of my family and friends...and the idiot's family, too. They think he's a fool and I can't disagree.
I just wish the kids didn't have to miss their daddy :(
I forgot to mention...today is my birthday. I'm 29 today...woo-freakin'-hoo. I got to spend all day at home. My big birthday outing was stopping at the post office where the only mail was for my idiot husband. He's moved to another state, you'd think he'd change his address.
Enough of my pity party...
|
|
|
| |
|
|
